I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize