its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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