I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
