I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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