i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
