I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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