Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize