oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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