I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
