If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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