This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
