You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
