just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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