i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
two words: eviction party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
