She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
