I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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