I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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