five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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