I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
