Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
