New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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