weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
