I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
