My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
