Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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