Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The air was thick with penises
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
