question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
