it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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