I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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