I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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