The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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