I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
