It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
