I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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