New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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