I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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