I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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