somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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