GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
