sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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