Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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