i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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