im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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