your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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