The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
