so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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