Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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