Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
