My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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