Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
