My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
