Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
