I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Semen is not good for contacts.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian