I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half