I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.