Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
