Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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