so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
