Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
