Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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