hotel room ftw
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
