One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
