I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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