Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
