I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize